Nightmare grows

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Translation: This person is a doctor in "Zahedan", he says: "They shoot them from behind. The bullets were shoot from the back. If people were fighting, the bullets should have been shoot in their chest and the front of their bodies! You shoot a 13 years old child? Haven't you got shame? If I were you, I was scared to death! Swear to god! You are the dirtiest basterds of history!" . . I wakeup every morning at around 7 A.M with this thought in my mind that "I'm gonna make some art for Mahsa or Nika or .... "  I open my phone, I read the news and from that moment another cycle of requiem begins! New people, innocent, young and children were kelled by regime last night! My brain goes speechless, I only see death images, my eyes are wet and I look at the clock, it's 12 pm. Another lost morning. I keep repeating to myself; "Holding my breath 'til my lungs burn bright Finding myself in the light Feeling comfort in the pain Like ...

2 full days and a 1/2

It's been two full days and a half since the last time I talked to my love/er. I conceive of it as a miserable grievous breakup.
It's not what I want, I still love him but the thing is that I am depressed and in need of some alone time and space to get  my act together. He's been sooo nice to me, always been there and honestly he deserves more. On the other hand I can't share with him these thoughts thus he disrespected me the day before our so seemed breakup.
He told me , I draw pleasure from picking other's stupid empty colloquial mistakes... I don't... He unintentionally said :"I hate this society! " and because I had been toying with the same idea from a week before, I questioned him about that sentence... He'd then interpreted this as a sign of mischief and dishonesty. 
All and all, I believe he wouldn't treat me like that if he wasn't tired of me being up in the air particularly these last months.
I hope I find a well paying job and get a little independent so that we'll be able to fulfill fixing this relationship or I get to have a better one with someone else.
For now: Job
p.s : another drawing of "the great red dragon" series by William Blake. 
The dragon here resembles the down-turn of my love life, stress and my unemployment.

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